Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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