We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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