I cockslap morals
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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