I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
