Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
