dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
