i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
