Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
