absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
