Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize