i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
