Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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