i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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