Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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