And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
