You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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