she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
