You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
