i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
