We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
