I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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