there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
