They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I love you.
Bad choice
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
