so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
