I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
