Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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