Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
