That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
