Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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