I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
