im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize