omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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