You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
