ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
