so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
