Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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