The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
