Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sext me about skeletons
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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