is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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