if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
