Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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