come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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