i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
