that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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