In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
