Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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