can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
