I wish you could order shots online.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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