Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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