I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
