The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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