theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
