After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize