So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Fuck appropriateness.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
