It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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