Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
