Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
