When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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