your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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