You smell like stripper and shame
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
