What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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