Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize