I need help removing her.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
