So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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