If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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