she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The beer is more important than you right now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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