Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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