This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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